Trying to reach infinity

I’m bored. Nothing is happening; the most exciting thing about this week so far is the new Keurig we purchased at work. Seems like a good time for a little check-in on the 30 by 30, eh? Warning: I gotta tell ya, this is not a very interesting post. Unless you’re into beauty products, I guess.

I’ve progressed nicely on #2, getting into better shape. I lost something like 17 pounds, and some of my muscles are way more defined. I can see abs! Or one, at least. maybe two. Plus biceps and stuff. Cool.

#3 is skincare stuff. I found a face wash I lurve, so that’s nice. Honestly if I could afford to buy everything from Origins I would, because I’ve only ever loved their products, but most of them are out of my price range. Someday.

#4, take myself on a date… ideas are churning. I mentioned this in a previous post.

#10, lipstick. I’ve been wearing two colors from Revlon: Blushing Nude, which is not at all nude, it’s definitely more… burgundy? and Rose & Shine, which is pretty similar to my actual lip color but it makes them nice and shiny, which I suspect is the purpose. I like both of them quite a bit, but now I’ve got my eye on a couple coral options.

And that is all. Clearly I have some work to do– there are more interesting things on that list, I promise, and when I get to those I will see if I can’t make the posts about them super awesome.

Bonus cat photo (I need to get more dog pictures up in here). The only way to keep Winston out of my way in the morning is to turn on the bathtub faucet.

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”

I’ve had this post sitting in drafts for like a week. Ha. Maybe time to finish it?

I was reading a forum recently and someone asked “How do you define your self-worth?”

People responded with a variety of answers.  Some people who are in school talked about their grades, a couple stay-at-home moms mentioned their kids’ well-being or praise or the state of their homes. Most people said it came from their jobs. A lot of people said they rely entirely on the validation of others, which I totally get.

I realized it’s actually something I’d never given much thought to. I have self-worth, but where does it come from?

I found some college essay thing (I don’t even know) with a pretty simple definition: Self-worth is the portal through which self-esteem is received.

As work I rely on praise almost entirely. Which, obviously. It’s good to hear that you’re doing well and that the people you work for think you’re important and a necessary part of the team.

But what about the rest of my life? My job isn’t really a career (administrative assistant for life? No thanks. Sorry y’all), and I certainly don’t live for work. So if the things I do outside of work are what’s most important to me – which they are – how am I maintaining my sense of general awesomeness? I think there’s a little bit of a difference between job-worth and self-worth. I like my job, I like that I’m good at my job, and I’m glad my coworkers seem to agree, but I am not my job. No way. However! It occurs to me that I feel a lot better about myself now, with a job I like, than I did when I had a job that made me homicidal. So that’s worth noting.

Before I continue– someone on the forum said this:

One thing that really stuck with me is that if I were to ask the people who really love me why they think I’m great, not a single one would list any of the things from which I derived my entire self-worth – being smart, being competent at my job, being skinny, etc.

She hit the nail on the head.

So anyway. Where does my self worth come from? In no particular order:

• Having a job I don’t loathe and being decent at it.
• Appearance – on the days I make an effort to look good, I feel better about myself.
• Accomplishment – specifically, completing goals I set for myself. This is everything from vacuuming the apartment to getting all my workouts done (and/or bothering to work out at all, depending on the day) to finishing this post.
• Validation – compliments, y’all. If they come from someone I respect, they really mean something.
• Humor – making people laugh is the best.

Once I stopped over-analyzing, coming up with that list was pretty simple. Seems to me it’d be similar to one many other people would make. But it’s still kind of nice to know. Y’know?

Uh… the end? I guess I never thought out the conclusion to this post. I don’t get  introspective very often, so it was kind of nice to take some time and think about myself in ways other than “have I lost weight or do I need to wash these pants?”

They say it’s your birthday

After I got home from Kate’s Royal Wedding party on Friday I did five things: laundry, a shower, cleaned, packed, and took a very short nap. Darren got home at about 12:30 and after a quick lunch and last minute errands, we headed out.

The “cabin” is in Baxter, which is about 2 1/2 hours away. The cats got to stay at home dog-free while Enli came with us. We have an old  hand-me-down van so she gets the whole back to herself. We even took out one of the seats so she’d have more space, but she still curls up into one.

We got to Baxter at about 4:30 and discovered Darren’s grandparents there and everything already mostly finished. We didn’t expect them to be there at all so it was a nice surprise. We helped finish setup and then hopped into town for some supplies: hot dog buns and other campfire necessities, beer, and a new leash and outdoor lead for Enli so we could tie her up outside while we worked.

It was nice out during the day on Friday, but the cold settled in quickly. The grandparents went home, so Darren and I sat by the fire until it started to rain. Fortunately I had anticipated the weather, so I’d packed my laptop and some movies.

Darren had to get up early on Saturday to help set up the docks. In the rain. The dog and I stayed in bed until he finished, then we all watched another movie until the rain let up. We had another fire and got to eat our brats.

Lunch brought on nap time, followed by dinner with my mom. My parents only live about 20 minutes away from the cabin so it works out very nice. We had dinner and stopped over at her house so I could pick up a few things – a blanket my grandma made me, plus an end table and some Scentsy bars.

The wind was hellish and it was supposed to snow Saturday night, so we decided to just head back home. We packed up and headed out a little after 10 pm. Obviously we made it home safe.

Now it’s my birthday!   We had lunch at Pizza Luce and intend to spend the rest of the afternoon indoors. We picked up batteries for our Wii remotes and I hope to challenge Darren to some Mario Kart in the near future.

I have another four day work-week coming up and another trip north on Friday. I only hope the weather behave more appropriately.